highs and lows

Pregnant best friend had her baby boy last week. I was able to make it out to her (a time zone and a plane ride away) in time for my little nephew to be born. Her labor lasted over 33 hours, and seeing my friend in that much pain shut me down while I was trying to be there for her. I couldn't make the pain stop, I couldn't make the doctor hear what she was trying to say, I couldn't force her body to cooperate with the things they were doing to ease her pain and support her body. Nephew was eventually born by c-section, with his cord wrapped around his neck 5 times.

The emotions ran wild in me. I was elated to see this much loved little boy who was long hoped for, much wanted, and who already had fans all over the world. I was so proud of my friend's husband for bring a dad so quickly and easily. He's normally a wishy washy kind of guy, and he was immediately asked to make some big decisions about the baby before m.y friend was out of recovery. He made good choices for his family and I was so proud to see him fill the role he wanted so badly. While we were watching Nephew get his first bath and a proud but tired dad take hundreds (literally) of pictures, I almost started crying again at the thought of my friend alone in recovery. All the maternity recovery rooms were full, so they sent her down to general surgery recovery to be monitored. I was sad because no one was allowed to be with her and we had her baby who she had barely met, and they were tears of relief that the baby was here, and tears of sadness that they were suddenly so far apart.

I think I cried more in the first few days than she did, although now that the post-partum hormones are kicking in, she's totally got me beat. I miss being with my second family, but I'm so happy for them it hurts.

Meanwhile, my own biological clock is beginning early negotiations with my husband for a dog. Mmm, puppies.

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